looking up

Ok.... de-tox, plus post de-tox binge....plus pushing myself at gym= i'm starting to feel good....I just hope that I can still maintain some form of exercise on my trip, cos I dont know if I have it in me to go through all the pain when starting the gym again.
I need to keep this up...I need to feel good....I need to find me, in this me that i'm not happy with

Blah

Yep...thats describes how i'm feeling....not good, been feeling just yuk....which in turn continues to de-motivated state that i've been in.
Been trying to re-ignite wanting to feel good....the gym (yes...its hard to want to be there when all you want to do is be back in bed), I did make it yesterday though, sis a spinning class (yay me)...now just to get myself back there today.
My boy decided that he's doing a detox....must have thought my 15days was a good thing (although he's only doing 7 days)....but I guess its a good thing cos with all the healthy food floating through the house its keeping my eating habits in check.
When so things get easier???? Its just feels like i've been in this battle for so many years with little success.....if only there was a easy answer (open for suggestions!)

un-motivated

Urggghhhh...its just one of those days....just cant be bothered....I just have no motivation....feels like motivation is slipping away, its crazy...think I may be going crazy too....need to get back on it, stay on track, believe, desire...want!

I'm just so tired

the detox continues

So who would have thought that I would stay commited to this de-tox....day two was horrible, (mass caffine withdrawls), but with 6 days left to go i'm feeling good....will be interesting to see what becomes of all of this once the detox finishes.
The good days and the bad days continue....the happiness and the sadness....the ups and the downs. But i'm still going,and will continue to keep on going.

I must be brave, and be strong and fight for me....

I am the only one who can do this.

Detox

Ok...today begins the 1st day of a 15day detox....its time to cleanse myself out....start fresh and get back on the wagon...happy body= happy me?

Well, its worth a try....heres hoping

the mess that is me

Ok, I dont even know why I have joined this blog thingy and I dont know if it will help, but I just feel so desperate and unhappy that I just dont know what to do anymore.
I'm 26...people say I look like pink, who in mu eyes in strong, determine and looks hot....yep, but I dont feel that way....I feel fat, disgusting and just get more and more depressed everyday. So in reality, i'm not obese, or anything like that...but i'm overweight, and its not through bad choices....it comes down to health issues. I've lost 20 kilos before, but sure enough with time, its slowley creeping back on, and its killing me....my clothes are begining not to fit me, I look in the mirror and feel disgusted, I feel uncomfortable....and i'm getting more and more depressed daily. The thing thats pissing me off the most is that I'm actually doing stuff to 'help' me...I go to the gym bout 5 days a week, I eat fairly healthy (yep, i'm saying it i'm not perfect)...but I went on a bit of a health kick recently...gym everyday, pushed myself to run faster than I have before....increased my levels, and sweat it out...checked my weight after 2 weeks and had gained 3.5 kilos....is it only me or does anyone else see a issue with this.....its just fucking de-motivating, makes me just think whats the point.
This is spiraling in all aspects of my life. If I'm not happy with the way I look and feel, it makes me completely self concious, I dont like being around people....about being social....it effects my friends, my family my partner....what do I do?
I need to change...I need to be happy with me, and within me.
I'm a mess....